


I wrote you a song (its called stop talking to me)

by jaesglasses



Category: SEVENTEEN - Fandom
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Forgive Me, Multi, another chat fic, lame attempt at comedy lol, theyre just so fun to write
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2019-01-23 00:02:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12493884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaesglasses/pseuds/jaesglasses
Summary: seventeen gc where everyone is gayer than they used to be. thats it.





	1. welcome to teen kings

**Author's Note:**

> lame attempt at crack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **naegahosh** \- soonyoung
> 
>  **prince of china** \- jun
> 
>  **dinosaur** \- chan
> 
>  **appa cheol** \- seungcheol
> 
>  **satan incarnate** \- jeonghan
> 
>  **queenboo** \- seungkwan
> 
>  **not a vampire** \- hansol
> 
>  **thughao** \- minghao
> 
>  **wonwoohoo** \- wonwoo
> 
>  **#savemyscalp2k17 (satan's bff;  
>  satan hater) **\- jihoon
> 
>  **jisoo** \- jisoo
> 
>  **god gyu** \- mingyu
> 
>  **seokmin** \- seokmin

 

**[ god gyu created the group ]**

 

**[ god gyu named the group _teen kings_ ]**

 

**[ god gyu added wonwoohoo, appa cheol, not a vampire, and 9 others ]**

 

 **god gyu** : hEY GUYS

 

 **god gyu** : whats ur dream job

 

 **#savemyscalp2k17** : wtf

 

 **queenboo** : u went all out

 

 **queenboo** : and created another useless gc

 

 **queenboo** : to aSK THAT

 

 **god gyu** : hey don't attac me it was dino s idea

 

 **dinosaur** : dont add me into this mess ur on ur own

 

 **god gyu** : i see where ur loyalty lies

 

 **jisoo** : hey guys don't be like that

 

 **god gyu** : ^^

 

 **jisoo** : u know gyu had always been an idiot

 

 **jisoo** : stop putting things past him

 

 **not a vampire** : LOL XD XD XD

 

 **satan incarnate** : shut up vernon

 

 **satan incarnat** e: dont pollute this chat with ur outdated emojis

 

 **god gyu** : i just wanted ANSWERS

 

 **god gyu** : but what do i get

 

 **god gyu** : disrespect

 

 **thughao** : i mean

 

 **thughao** : u had it coming

 

**[ god gyu removed thughao ]**

 

 **prince of china** : wtf boi

 

**[ prince of china added thughao ]**

 

 **prince of china** : there u go my boi thank me later

 

 **thughao** : but i never wanted to be in here

 

 **thughao** : pls let me go

 

 **#savemyscalpk17** : and I never wanted to have idiots as members but here you all are

 

 **#savemyscalp2k17** : WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD MINGHAO

 

¤¤¤

  
**appa cheol** : HEEEEEEY

 

 **appa cheol** : whats all this about

 

 **appa cheol:** 10 minutes out of the internet and I come back to this MESS

 

 **wonwoohoo** : .....

 

 **god gyu** : I just wanted to know what ur dream jobs are

 

 **queenboo** : we are kpop idols gyu

 

 **queenboo** : what did u think our dream jobs were

 

 **god gyu** : idk i just thought youd want something else ???

 

 **god gyu** : like, if you werent an idol

 

 **god gyu:** what wud u be

 

 **prince of china** : u know those people who put stickers on fruits

 

 **prince of china** : id want to be like them someday

 

 **prince of china** : i think i can do that

 

 **seokmin** : srsly jun are u stoned

 

 **satan incarnate** : stoned?

 

 **satan incarnate** : STONED?

 

 **satan incarnate** : thats so like a 17th century word or smth

 

 **naegahosh** : have you ever considered what the word "stoned" must have felt after you called it 17th century?

 

 **naegahosh** : of course not

 

 **naegahosh** : u only think abt urself

 

 **satan incarnate** : shut up hosh ur un is also 17th century

 

 **dinosaur** : what does stoned means

 

 **queenboo** : lmao dino stop acting innocent

 

 **prince of china** : stoned means ur high, dear

 

 **prince of china:**  anyway i'm not stoned

 

 **prince of china** : probably just

 

 **prince of china** : slightly pebbled

 

 **prince of china** : not stoned

 

 **jisoo** : sounds fake but okay

 

 **appa cheol** : stop this drugs talk there are fetuses here

 

 **dino** : who ???

 

 **not a vampire** : obviously

 

 **not a vampire** : its me

 

¤¤¤

 

 **naegahosh** : whos up for stargazing tonight

 

 **prince of china** : why do we need to watch the sky to enjoy the stars when the ultimate star is me

 

 **#savemyscalp2k17** : cant believe im alive for this shit

 

**[ #savemyscalp2k17 left the group ]**

 

**[ satan incarnate added #savemyscalp2k17 ]**

 

 **satan incarnate** : boi u will suffer with us

 

 **god gyu** : so no one else is going to answer my question?

 

 **god gyu** : the ultimate reason this gc was created

 

 **god gyu** : nO ONE??

 

 **thughao** : uh

 

 **thughao** : ive always wanted to be a lawyer

 

 **appa cheol** : aww our minghao is trying to be nice

 

 **appa cheol** : for once

 

 **thughao** : its night time

 

 **queenboo** : so ???

 

 **thughao** : so im only an asshole 18/7 bcos at night i actually have feelings

 

 **satan incarnate** : feelings omg DISGUSTING

 

¤¤¤

 

 **appa cheol** : wait wTF

 

 **appa cheol** : whos in the kitchen rn i heard a scream ?

 

 **dinosaur** : that would be seokmin

 

 **wonwoohoo** : why what happened

 

 **seokmin** : there was a BUG

 

 **not a vampire** : :(((((

 

 **jisoo** : i feel so sorry i hope ur doing fine now

 

 **dinosaur** : u know u could just go to the kitchen to see us

 

 **dinosaur** : if ur rlly worried

 

 **jisoo** : my kindness radar is only on this chat

 

 **jisoo** : the signal is weak in the real world

 

 **naegahosh** : tbh who gave bugs the right

 

 **wonwoohoo** : ^^

 

 **satan incarnate** : SHOUT OUT TO ALL THE BUGS THAT STAY AWAY FROM ME U ROCK KEEP DOING WHAT UR DOING #REALKINGS #LOYAL

 

 **god gyu** : i know bugs are terrifying and all but

 

 **god gyu** : ur dream jobs, everyone??

 

 **#savemyscalp2k17** : why are u so bent on finding out anyway

 

 **god gyu** : for my thesis

 

 **prince of china** : ????

 

 **prince of china** : u don't even go to school ?????

 

 **god gyu** : fine

 

 **god gyu** : its for SCIENCE

 

 **dinosaur** : he wanted to know wonwoo hyungs dream job so he'll know what course to take in college

 

 **god gyu** : DINO OMGHAVDISVSHDVD I HOPE U CHOKE

 

 **seokmin** : thats sweet

 

 **jisoo** : that's crazy

 

 **not a vampire** : there are two kinds of people

 

 **queenboo** : lmao imagine being THAT desperate for ass

 

 **queenboo** : cant relate

 

 **not a vampire** : THREE kinds of people

 

 **wonwoohoo** : idek whats happening anymore ?

 

 **#savemyscalp2k17** : ^^

 

 **prince of china** : whatever

 

 **prince of china** : where u @ minghao my boi

 

 **thughao** : at the park relaxing with wonwoo

 

 **god gyu** : what where when wHY HOW

 

 **god gyu** : how can u relax without me wonwoo

 

 **wonwoohoo** : i do that quite a lot actually

 

 **god gyu** : but u LOVE being with me

 

 **wonwoohoo** : i... ???

 

 **wonwoohoo** : i don't ? so ?

 

 **god gyu** : :(

 

 **dinosaur** : is this

 

 **satan incarnate** : the end of the meanie couple

 

 **queenboo** : stay tuned to find out!!!!

 

 **jisoo** : airs every night, only at seventeens dorm

 

 **#savemyscalp2k17** : lmao i can hear mingyu sniffing

 

 **appa cheol** : u mADE HIM CRY????!

 

 **dinosaur** : .....

 

 **satan incarnate** : .....

 

 **queenboo** : .....

 

 **jisoo** : *dabs nervously*

 

 **appa cheol** : sigh

 

 **appa cheol** : seokmin

 

 **seokmin** : im on it

 

※※※

  
**[ kool kids 97liners (3) ]**

 

 **seokmin** : hey mingyu

 

 **seokmin** : u ok?

 

 **mingyu:** ...

 

 **mingyu** : idk

 

 **minghao:** ....

 

 **minghao:** tbh why do u even like wonwoo

 

 **minghao:** hes like

 

 **minghao:** out of this world

 

 **minghao:** literally

 

 **mingyu:** i like tall guys bcos theyre closer to jesus

 

 **seokmin:** uh

 

 **minghao:** .....

 

※※※

 

**[ fairy godfathers squad (3) ]**

 

 **seokmin:** cant help mingyu

 

 **seokmin:** boy's straight up c r a z y

 

 **seokmin:** im telling u

 

 **seungcheol:** *sighs AGAIN AND AGAIN

 

 **jihoon:** but

 

 **jihoon:** why am i in this gc, again ?

 

 **jihoon:** idc abt the well-being of anyone let alone bitches like u so why ?

 

 **seungcheol:** cuz u old

 

 **jihoon:** theres also jeonghan

 

 **jihoon:** and jisoo

 

 **seokmin:** they're c r a z y too

 

 **seungcheol:** why are u spelling it out

 

 **seokmin:** 4minute sunbaenims

 

 **seokmin:** RESPECT 4 THE REAL QUEENS YALL

 

 ※※※

 

 **satan incarnate** : ok so while they make the crybaby better

 

 **satan incarnate** : lets talk abt

 

 **satan incarnate** : how TRAGIC the gc name is like ? so cringy

 

 **queenboo** : for once we actually agree on smth

 

**[ #savemyscalp2k17 named the group WASTED POTENTIAL ]**

 

 **prince of china** : i mean tru

 

 **satan incarnate** : were finally on the same page i love u

 

**[ satan incarnate set the name for #savemyscalp2k17 to satan's bff ]**

 

 **satan's bff** : jeonghan i wrote u a song

 

 **satan incarnate** : lmao

 

 **satan incarnate** : really tho ?

 

 **satan's bff** : yep

 

 **satan's bff** : its called STAY AWAY FROM ME I DONT LIKE U

 

**[ satan's bff set his own name to satan hater ]**

 

 **queenboo** : a bop

 

 **dinosaur** : ill stream that song everyday

 

 **naegahosh** : i feel the trophies coming

 

 **not a vampire:** did u see my bag did u see my bag

 

 **satan incarnate** : i will murder all of u

 

 **queenboo** : dandy

 

 **satan hater** : cant wait hurry up

 

 **appa cheol** : *sighs ETERNALLY

 

 **appa cheol:** is no an emotion bcos I FEEL THAT SHIT IN MY SOUL

 

 


	2. superheroes and shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the struggles of a dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **naegahosh (hulk sunbaenim)** \- soonyoung
> 
>  **prince of china (captain china)** \- jun
> 
>  **dinosaur (batman)** \- chan
> 
>  **appa cheol (the dad friend hero)** \- seungcheol
> 
>  **satan incarnate (wonderwoman)** \- jeonghan
> 
>  **queenboo (superman's man)** \- seungkwan
> 
>  **not a vampire (superman)** \- hansol
> 
>  **thughao (aquaman)** \- minghao
> 
>  **wonwoohoo (iron man)** \- wonwoo
> 
>  **satan hater (the mom friend hero)** \- jihoon
> 
>  **jisoo (joshua frost)** \- jisoo
> 
>  **god gyu** \- mingyu
> 
>  **seokmin** \- seokmin

 

 **not a vampire** : not tryna start shit or anything

 

 **not a vampire** : but i am SO qualified to be a member of vocal unit like

 

 **not a vampire** : ya know what i mean, folks ?

 

 **satan hater:** no

 

 **jisoo:** ^^

 

 **satan incarnate:** ^^

 

 **seokmin:** ^^

 

 **not a vampire** : even u, seokmin???

 

 **not a vampire** : what abt u babe

 

 **not a vampire** : hey boo

 

 **not a vampire:** seungkwan

 

 **not a vampire** : boo seungkwan

 

**[ queenboo left the group ]**

 

 **not a vampire** : _wonwoo_i_was_attacked_gif

 

 **appa cheol:** i was betrayed™

 

  
※※※

 

 

 **naegahosh:** okay so

 

 **naegahosh:** gET THIS

 

 **naegahosh:** hansol came to me saying he wanted to be in our team and shit

 

 **naegahosh:** crazy amirite

 

 **wonwoohoo:** snakes

 

 **wonwoohoo:** snakes everywhere

 

 **not a vampire** : how could yall reject me

 

 **dinosaur:** look, hansol

 

 **dinosaur:** ur good and all

 

 **dinosaur:** but we already have our flying chinese boys

 

 **dinosaur:** we don't need u

 

 **thughao:** ^^

 

 **prince of china:** ^^

 

 **god gyu:** tbh im better at dancing, hansol

 

 **naegahosh:** ???

 

 **not a vampire** : ??? Pt. 2

 

 **thughao:** ??? Pt. 3

 

 **dinosaur:** ??? Pt. 4

 

**[ prince of china removed god gyu ]**

 

 **prince of china:** WE DO NOT LIE IN THIS FAMILY

 

  
※※※

 

 

 **jisoo:** rip hansol

 

 **jisoo:** rip mingyu

 

 **jisoo:** aNYWAY

 

 **jisoo:** what are you gonna be for halloween guys ;)))

 

 **satan hater:** why does ur ;))) worry me

 

 **appa cheol:** ^^

 

 **jisoo:** so this is the trend

 

 **jisoo:** whenever someone asks something relevant, yall start attacking him out of nowhere

 

 **prince of china:** basically

 

 **seokmin:** im gonna dress up as commitment™

 

 **seokmin:** everyones scared of it

 

 **satan incarnate:** whoa

 

 **queenboo:** wHoa

 

 **wonwoohoo:** wHOa

 

 **satan hater:** wow

 

 **satan incarnate:** aoagxgss u destroyed the flow i hate u

 

 **satan hater:** always happy to meet a fan :)

 

 **naegahosh:** i wonder when we'll actually have a proper convo here

 

 **naegahosh:** probably never

 

 **naegahosh:** oops the foods here

 

 **naegahosh:** gotta kris

 

 **not a vampire** : trIGGERED™

 

  
※※※

 

  
**appa cheol:** kids kids !

 

 **dinosaur:** dad

 

 **thughao:** dad

 

 **not a vampire** : dad

 

 **satan hater:** daddy

 

**[ appa cheol left the group ]**

 

 **jisoo:** i. am. dying.

 

 **queenboo:** help i can't breathe

 

**[ naegahosh added appa cheol ]**

 

 **appa cheol:** aNYWAYS

 

 **appa cheol:** let's have like a theme for halloween

 

 **appa cheol:** i saw it on the internet once and i think its fun to do

 

 **satan incarnate:** lmao @ ancient people tryna be millenials

 

 **appa cheol:** ???

 

 **appa cheol:** were almost the same age ???

 

 **satan incarnate:** oh yea i forgot

 

 **wonwoohoo:** too many idiots in this group im leaving

 

 **god gyu:** noooooOOOO :(((((

 

 **appa cheol:** shut up everyone and think of the concept !!

 

 **seokmin:** lets be superheroes !

 

 **seokmin:** it would be so much fun

 

 **dinosaur:** MY TIME HAS FINALLY COME

 

**[ dinosaur set his own name to batman ]**

 

 **jisoo:** lets be real w/o his money batman wouldn't be shit

 

 **thughao:** ^^

 

 **not a vampire** : ^^

 

 **batman:** whatevs haters gonna hate

 

**[ appa cheol **set his own** name to the dad friend™ hero]**

 

 **satan incarnate:** what does that even supposed to mean

 

 **the dad friend™ hero** : it means i am the hero ready to save everyone of u

 

 **the dad friend™ hero** : armed with nothing but exasperation and common sense

 

**[ satan hater set his own name to the mom friend™ hero ]**

 

 **queenboo:** and wat are u supposed to be

 

 **the mom friend™ hero:** im here ready to bang the dad friend

 

 **naegahosh:** LMAO

 

 **seokmin:** !!!!!!!

 

 **seokmin:** keep it pg 13 there are kids around

 

 **batman:** don't worry i know everything i need to know

 

 **naegahosh:** shush boy

 

 **naegahosh:** ur only seventeen

 

 **prince of china** : u only got a few dollars

 

 **thughao:** but when u turn 18

 

 **queenboo:** there will be no problems

 

 **not a vampire** : did u just

 

 **batman:** i h8 u all

 

 **god gyu** : lets have matching characters !! @wonwoohoo

 

 **wonwoohoo:** nope

 

 **god gyu:** ???!

 

 **wonwoohoo:** cause every time we interact I get that feeling

 

 **wonwoohoo:** that feeling is no

 

 **god gyu:** ......

 

 **the mom friend™ hero** : okay hoes

 

 **seokmin** : hoes ??????

 

 **prince of china:** ^^

 

 **thughao:** ^^

 

 **satan incarnate:** ur the only hoe here jihoon ah

 

 **the mom friend™ hero** : lol

 

 **the mom friend™ hero** : yea im a hoe

 

 **the mom friend™ hero** : but im a smart hoe

 

 **the mom friend™ hero** : a strategic hoe

 

 **the mom friend™ hero** : a hoe youve never seen before

 

 **satan incarnate:** kmn

 

 **the** **dad friend™ hero** : kids

 

 **the dad friend™ hero** : find ur characters already

 

**[ not a vampire set his own name to superman ]**

 

**[ queenboo set his own name to superman's man ]**

 

 **prince of china:** that aint a superhero

 

 **superman's man:** bish without me superman wont fly to heaven

 

 **seokmin:** hOW MANY TIMES DO I HAV TO TELL U TO CALM UR HORMONES PPL

 

 **superman's man:** sorry hyung ;)

 

**[ wonwoohoo set his own name to iron man ]**

 

 **iron man:** i aM HERE

 

 **iron man:** ready to iron all ur clothes

 

**[ thughao set his own name to aquaman ]**

 

 **prince of china:** so thats why u smell like seaweed sometimes

 

 **aquaman:** die

 

**[ satan incarnate set his own name to wonderwoman ]**

 

 **wonderwoman:** that relatable feeling when

 

 **wonderwoman:** u are a kind and benevolent god radiating beauty and light

 

**[ prince of china set his own name to captain china ]**

 

 **captain china:** *flexes muscles

 

 **captain china:** hello boys and girls

 

 **wonderwoman:** dun dun dun dun dun

 

 **naegahosh:** urineun kkumeul kkuneun sonyeodeul

 

 **god gyu:** neowa na kkumeul nanul i sungan

 

 **batman:** dalkomhan neoreul hyanghan Shining Light

 

 **jisoo:** neomanui nal Hey Baby Show you my paradise

 

 **the dad friend hero** : i am t h i s close to murdering all of u

 

 **aquaman:** _oh_man_holy_shit_gif

 

**[ naegahosh set his own name to hulk sunbaenim ]**

 

 **hulk sunbaenim** : u dont wanna mess with me

 

 **hulk sunbaenim:** i cry easily

 

 **jisoo:** so like

 

 **jisoo:** can we not change un?

 

 **the dad friend™ hero** : :(

 

 **jisoo:** okay man okay no need to be aggressive

 

**[ jisoo set his own name to joshua frost ]**

 

 **joshua frost:** bcos my fashion sense is called i am cold and pissed off

 

 **batman:** ur the last ones mingyu and seokmin

 

 **batman:** whats urs gonna be

 

 **aquaman:** whos it gonna be whos it gonna be

 

 **superman:** nugu jjang iji

 

 **iron man:** whos it gonna be whos it gonna be

 

 **hulk sunbaenim** ; BgA ARMY WHERE U AT

 

 **the dad friend™ hero** : goDDAMNIT

 

 **the mom friend™ hero** : is it too late to leave the group

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what was mingyu's and seokmin's choice? no one knows


	3. notice me cheolpai

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone save jihoon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short update, i hope its okay!
> 
>  **naegahosh** \- soonyoung
> 
>  **prince of china** \- jun
> 
>  **dinosaur** \- chan
> 
>  **appa cheol** \- seungcheol
> 
>  **satan incarnate** \- jeonghan
> 
>  **queenboo** \- seungkwan
> 
>  **not a vampire** \- hansol
> 
>  **thughao** \- minghao
> 
>  **wonwoohoo** \- wonwoo
> 
>  **satan hater** \- jihoon
> 
>  **jisoo** \- jisoo
> 
>  **god gyu** \- mingyu
> 
>  **seokmin** \- seokmin

 

**[ WASTED POTENTIAL (13) ]**

 

 **satan incarnate** : bad news guys

 

 **dinosaur:** what

 

 **god gyu:** ???

 

 **satan incarnate:** i just found out

 

 **satan incarnate:** that I might be

 

 **satan incarnate:** an asshole

 

 **wonwoohoo:** *scandalized gasp

 

 **satan hater:** i cannot believe

 

 **satan hater:** u just found out now

 

 **satan incarnate:** oh man

 

 **satan incarnate:** my head is spinning

 

 **naegahosh:** i am so sad ?

 

 **seokmin:** that jeonghan might be an asshole?

 

 **naegahosh:** no, i always knew that one

 

 **naegahosh:** i am sad bcos i am surrounded by all of u irrelevant people

 

 **naegahosh:** when i could be surrounded by shinee

 

 **appa cheol:** why be sad when u can be dad

 

 **naegahosh:** i dont wanna be u

 

 **thughao:** hey guys can u pls shut up its for a school project

 

 **satan incarnate:** ??? this is abt me so ???

 

 **satan incarnate:** show some respect ???

 

 **satan incarnate:** i am having a CRISIS here

 

 **satan incarnate:** i cant let my mom find out

 

 **satan hater:** its okay son, i accept u

 

 **satan incarnate:** im older than u ??? why are u my mom

 

 **satan hater:** bcos i said so bitch now sit ur ass down

 

 **prince of china** : hey mom whats for dinner

 

 **satan hater** : *throws breadcrumbs on the floor*

 

 **satan hater** : there, enjoy

 

 **not a vampire** : .......

 

 **dinosaur:** i want to be adopted somewhere else

 **jisoo:** ugh

 

 **jisoo:** i long for the simpler times

 

 **jisoo:** the good ol' days

 

 **jisoo:** when i was in bed

 

 **jisoo:** this morning

 

 **jisoo:** not talking to any of u losers

 

 **thughao:** ur one of us so ur also a loser

 

 **god gyu** : wow minghao's on a roll

 

 **prince of china** : its bcos his heart is full of hate

 

 **prince of china** : and swag

 

 **prince of china** : *dabs with respect*

 

 **appa cheol** : why are my children like this

 

 **satan hater** : *our

 

 **satan incarnate:** i give up

 

  
**※※※**

 

 

 **seokmin:** anyway hav u guys figured out a new specialty

 

 **seokmin:** we need them for this new variety show

 

 **queenboo:** they ask us for that as if they don't already know we can do literally anything

 

 **appa cheol:** ^^

 

 **naegahosh:** besides we have lots of specialties

 

 **god gyu** : lmao like what

 

 **not a vampire** : anxiety

 

 **wonwoohoo:** midnight breakdowns

 

 **satan incarnate** : pettiness

 

 **thughao:** terrible puns

 

 **thughao:** *side-eyes junhui*

 

 **prince of china** : i am OFFENDED

 

 **prince of china** : but tru

 

 **satan hater** : my specialty is enduring

 

 **satan hater** : enduring the pain of seeing ur ugly faces

 

 **wonwoohoo:** *scandalized gasp 2.0

 

 **appa cheo** l: ouch

 

 **not a vampire** : in our lord and savior ravi's words,

 

 **not a vampire** : _woa woa thats no no, boy_

 

 **satan hater** : i am not talking abt u cheol

 

 **satan hater** : ur like

 

 **satan hater** : the most handsome here

 

 **satan hater** : i would totally follow you to the ends of the earth

 

 **satan hater** : with only mild complaining

 

 **appa cheol** : uh

 

 **appa cheol** : thanks ? lol

 

 **queenboo:** a moment of silence

 

 **queenboo:** for our gay buddies in the thank you-zone

 

 **satan hater** : i hope u choke

 

 **god gyu** : its so offensive how people base beauty on physical appearance ?? like

 

 **god gyu** : its whats inside thats beautiful !!

 

 **satan incarnate** : *the demon inside my body blushes*

 

 **wonwoohoo:** so all along

 

 **wonwoohoo:** ur heart belongs to demons ??

 

 **wonwoohoo:** guess ill just take my unwavering love elsewhere

 

 **god gyu** : no its not for demons !!

 

 **god gyu** : wAIT

 

 **god gyu** : w h a t

 

 **prince of china** : w as that a con fessi on ???!!!

 

 **dinosaur:** omg

 

 **seokmin:** !!!!!

 

 **appa cheol** : ! ! ! !

 

 **jisoo:** abt damn time

 

**[ satan hater removed god gyu and wonwoohoo ]**

 

 **satan hater** : how dare u show ur love to each other when we have people * _cough **me** cough_* that are still struggling to get some ass ?!

 

 **satan hater** : i dont deserve this betrayal

 

 **not a vampire** : LMAO

 

 **queenboo:** jihoon be like

 

 **queenboo:** relationship goal: a relationship

 

 **prince of china** : realest shit ive ever heard

 

 **satan hater:** i am OFFICIALLY leaving

 

 **naegahosh:** oh god

 

 **naegahosh:** finally

 

 **jisoo:** our wishes have finally been answered

 

 **satan hater** : lmao lets see if u can still say that after YOUR group flops

 

 **satan hater:** ive always been the most talented one out of yall cauliflower-looking bitches

 

 **satan hater:** how will you ever recover

 

 **satan hater:** after losing me

 

 **satan hater:** a shining diamond in a sea of mediocrity

 

 **satan hater:** just

 

 **satan hater** : shout out to my parents for making the most perfect child

 

 **thughao** : congratulations to ur sibling

 

 **queenboo:** 911 yes hello i witnessed a murder

 

 **jisoo:** ded

 

 **dinosaur:** as a wise man once said

 

 **dinosaur:** you always gotta

 

 **dinosaur:** pull up on yo whacks with yo mac fully loaded

 

 **satan hater:** i hate u all

 

 **not a vampire** : same

 

**※※※**

 

 **seokmin:** so like

 

 **seokmin:** no ones gonna add mingyu and wonwoo back ?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when will cheol acknowledge jihoon


	4. is it gay in here or is it just me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jihoon's still after that ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when ure having a hard time choosing ur main otp
> 
>  **naegahosh** \- soonyoung
> 
>  **prince of china** \- jun
> 
>  **dinosaur** \- chan
> 
>  **appa cheol** \- seungcheol
> 
>  **satan incarnate** \- jeonghan
> 
>  **queenboo** \- seungkwan
> 
>  **not a vampire** \- hansol
> 
>  **thughao** \- minghao
> 
>  **wonwoohoo** \- wonwoo
> 
>  **satan hater** \- jihoon
> 
>  **jisoo** \- jisoo
> 
>  **god gyu** \- mingyu
> 
>  **seokmin** \- seokmin

 

**[ WASTED POTENTIAL (13) ]**

 

 **naegahosh:** chan ure grounded

 

 **dinosaur:** oi wTF

 

 **dinosaur:** i mean hyung whyyyyyy

 

 **naegahosh:** i found a rap album under ur bed

 

 **dinosaur:** ???

 

 **dinosaur:** so ???

 

 **god gyu:** same

 

 **wonwoohoo:** why wud u even hide a rap album under ur bed

 

 **wonwoohoo:** ur a rapper

 

 **god gyu:** ^^

 

 **thughao:** mingyu u fcking double agent

 

 **prince of china:** a rapper LOL

 

 **prince of china:** nah bitch he's a dancer

 

 **thughao:** back off losers hes ours

 

 **not a vampire** : yea sure i mean

 

 **not a vampire** : this is why were called wasted potential

 

 **not a vampire** : continue wasting his skills being w/ u uglies

 

 **naegahosh:** tf man

 

 **naegahosh:** u were once a part of something beautiful

 

 **naegahosh:** remember

 

 **naegahosh:** money money money money money

 

 **naegahosh:** we cud hav been the best dancers out there

 

 **naegahosh:** u me and chan

 

 **satan hater:** i was also in that video so ???

 

 **satan hater** : fuck u for leaving me out

 

 **naegahosh:** sorry jihoon it can never work between us bYE

 

 **satan hater:** who said i wanted to be with u ???

 

 **satan hater:** go die

 

 **not a vampire** : uhh

 

 **not a vampire** : just a few days ago u said u dont need me

 

 **naegahosh:** that was just chan

 

 **naegahosh:** u know how growing boys can be

 

 **dinosaur:** what did i do to deserve this maltreatment

 

 **god gyu** : growing boy lmao i cant breathe

 

 **thughao:** then suffocate

 

 **appa cheol** : what rap album ver. is it even

 

 **seokmin:** ^^

 

 **satan incarnate** : ^^

 

 **naegahosh:** the clean ver.

 

 **jisoo:** oh god

 

 **prince of china** : ksvgIWOGFVSJDVDJSG

 

 **queenboo:** a disgrace

 

 **satan hater:** theres no saving this child now

 

 **prince of china** : thats it chan ur rlly grounded

 

 **dinosaur:** once again

 

 **dinosaur:** WHY

 

 **satan incarnate** : the clean version? Really? Really????

 

 **prince of china** : i didn't raise u to be such a nerd

 

 **dinosaur:** u didnt raise me at all

 

 **appa cheol** : god damn

 

 **appa cheol** : that's my boy

 

 **queenboo:** i take it back, chan's worth more than all of u combined

 

 **not a vampire** : w/o me of course

 

 **queenboo:** w/ u especially

 

 **not a vampire** : story time: how me and my bf broke up

 

 **wonwoohoo:** i wonder whats the feeling of knowing wtf is going on

 

**※※※**

 

**[ ass: gotta catch em all (4) ]**

 

 **jeonghan** : *sigh*

 

 **jeonghan** : why am i better than everyone

 

 **jisoo:** bitch when did u ever ?

 

 **jisoo:** lmao jk

 

 **jisoo:** luv u

 

 **jeonghan** : .....

 

 **jeonghan** : ♡

 

 **jihoon:** is it gay in here or is it just me

 

 **jeonghan** : ANYWAY

 

 **jeonghan** : lets hav a prayer meeting for our fallen comrade lee jihoon

 

 **jeonghan** : who has successfully managed to embarass himself in front of seungcheol (AGAIN) while attempting to confess

 

 **jeonghan:** today we are blessed™

 

 **jihoon** : i may be short but that doesnt meAN UR NOT ABT TO EXPERIENCE THE WRATH OF A GOD

 

 **seokmin:** calm down

 

 **jisoo:** ur always so funny jihoon

 

 **jihoon** : its bcos im a joke

 

 **jeonghan** : sad but true

 

 **seokmin:** what even happened

 

 **seokmin:** and where is soonyoung???

 

 **seokmin:** the only other sensible person here

 

 **jisoo:** probably out there disappointing jesus

 

 **seokmin:** smh

 

 **jeonghan** : yall know i don't shy away from drama

 

 **jeonghan** : so here goes the full story

 

 **jeonghan** : so i was here at the dorm bcos its a good day to watch others suffer

 

 **jihoon** : also a good day to mind ur own damn business

 

 **jeonghan** : watevs

 

 **jeonghan** : there I was, loving life in general, then i heard a shrill so horrible to hear it could only come from one small fiend

 

 **jihoon** : die die die die die die

 

 **jeonghan** bcos i love drama, i immediately went to their shared room

 

 **jeonghan** : to see jihoonie lying face down on the floor, next to a terrified cheol

 

 **jisoo:** i feel u, cheol

 

 **jeonghan** : i was like, yo what up

 

 **jeonghan** : and cheols all like, idk he just said he had smth to say then he suddenly turned around but the floor was slippery and so he fell

 

 **jeonghan** : FACE DOWN

 

 **jeonghan** : after enjoying a good laugh i went to seek refuge on our room, jisoo

 

 **jeonghan** : bcos im pretty sure jihoon is outside but idc lol

 

 **jeonghan** : subscribe for more quality content yall

 

 **jihoon** : open ur damn door

 

 **jeonghan** : NEVER

 

 **seokmin:** ......

 

 **seokmin:** is ur head okay jihoon

 

 **jihoon** : yea

 

 **seokmin:** then thats all that matters

 

 **jihoon** : what abt my REPUTATION™

 

 **jisoo:** taylor swift bleSS

 

 **seokmin:** its not like u dont know seungcheol

 

 **seokmin:** hes probably worrying abt u more

 

 **jihoon** : ....

 

 **jihoon** : yea probably

 

 **jihoon** : ugh he's so ???? kind

 

 **jihoon** : i hope he knows how happy he makes me feel

 

 **jisoo** : eww

 

**[ jeonghan left the group ]**

 

**※※※**

 

**[ jihoon, seungcheol (2) ]**

 

 **seungcheol:** heyyy

 

 **seungcheol:** what was that earlier lmao

 

 **seungcheol:** uh

 

 **seongcheol:** are u okay ?

 

 **jihoon:** yea

 

 **jihoon:** did i

 

 **jihoon:** worry u?

 

**seungcheol:**

 

 **seungcheol:** a bit

 

 **seungcheol:** want to grab lunch ?

 

 **seungcheol:** u know

 

 **seungcheol:** to make sure ur rlly okay

 

 **seungcheol:** better to be safe than sorry

 

 **jihoon:** okay

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who else wishes for money money money pt. 2


	5. gay shits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **naegahosh** \- soonyoung
> 
>  **prince of china** \- jun
> 
>  **dinosaur** \- chan
> 
>  **appa cheol** \- seungcheol
> 
>  **satan** \- jeonghan
> 
>  **queenboo** \- seungkwan
> 
>  **vampire sunbaenim** \- hansol
> 
>  **thughao** \- minghao
> 
>  **wonwoohoo** \- wonwoo
> 
>  **satan hater** \- jihoon
> 
>  **jisoo** \- jisoo
> 
>  **god gyu** \- mingyu
> 
>  **seokmin** \- seokmin

 

**[ WASTED POTENTIAL ]**

 

 **princeofchina:** no homo but sometimes i look into minghao's eyes and realize i'm in love

 

 **thughao:**....

 

 **satan:** im not sure but that's pretty gay

 

 **queenboo:** im sure and thats gay

 

 **princeofchina:** but still

 

 **princeofchina:** NO HOMO THO

 

 **thughao:** totally

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : no worries we're all a little gay in here

 

 **godgyu:** heYY

 

 **wonwoohoo:** ....

 

 **godgyu:** i mean yea tru

 

 **godgyu:** gay update- getting GAYER

 

**[vampire sunbaenim changed the group name to _gays and gays_ ]**

 

 **satanhater:** i cant with this gay shit

 

 **satan:** then leave ?

 

 **queenboo:** someone pls speak to the nonbeliever

 

 **appa cheol** : stop ganging up on jihoon again

 

 **queenboo:**.... 

 

 **princeofchina:**......

 

 **satan:**.....

 

 **satanhater:** ugh shit

 

 **satanhater:** * _pushes tear back into eye_ * not now

 

 **dinosaur:** guys

 

 **dinosaur:** why is this chat active in the MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING NIGHT

 

 **appa cheol:** aobssgyzwisvsysgsisbsb

 

 **satanhater:** *inhales*

 

 **satanhater:** I DO NOT TOLERATE THAT KIND OF BULLSHIT LANGUAGE IN THIS MOTHERFCKING HOUSEHOLD

 

 **satanhater:** language pls

 

 **appa cheol:** svhKHSGSUSVSV

 

 **satan:** thats my friend !

 

 **seokmin:** idk if i should start worrying or not

 

 **jisoo:** hint- u should

 

 **appa cheol:** dear god, help

 

 **naegahosh:** HELLO CHILDREN

 

 **godgyu:** god, is that you ???

 

 **naegahosh:**....

 

 **naegahosh:** yes

 

 **naegahosh:** what did i miss?

 

 **seungkwan:** me

 

 **naegahosh:** oh thank god

 

 **naegahosh:** i thought i missed something important

 

 **naegahosh:** so whats happening

 

 **thughao:** global warming

 

 **godgyu:** pain

 

 **jisoo:** chan triggering jihoon

 

 **satan:** jun spreading gayness

 

 **princeofchina:** i sad no homo

 

 **satan:** oh, my bad

 

 **satan:** *jun spreading gayness in a no homo way

 

 **naegahosh** : mood

 

 **appa cheol:** kids its time to sleep

 

 **appa cheol:** its like 1 in the morning

 

 **appa cheol:** a.k.a seungcheol's time to rest

 

 **appa cheol:** away from any of you

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : top 10 anime betrayals

 

 **queenboo:** icb ull just throw us away like this dad

 

 **dinosaur:** you deserve to be thrown tbh

 

 **satan:** this kid, rlly

 

 **satan:** im so proud

 

 **wonwoohoo:** dads right and i also need my beauty sleep freaks

 

 **princeofchina:** lmao just rest

 

 **princeofchina:** ur beauty is nonexistent

 

 **godgyu:** dont talk to my man like that

 

 **thughao:**  that applies to you too

 

 **godgyu:**....

 

 **thughao:**....

 

 **jisoo:** this gon be good

 

 **naegahosh:** the popcorns ready

 

 **appa cheol:** istg

 

 **appa cheol:** seokmin and jihoon, help me calm the kids

 

 **seokmin:** i cant, i am already asleep

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : how did you type that then

 

 **seokmin:** a magician never reveals his secret

 

 **jihoon:** cant do it too

 

 **appa cheol:** guys

 

 **appa cheol:** why

 

 **satanhater:** its 1

 

 **appa cheol:** so ???

 

 **satanhater:** its the soft hours cheol

 

 **satanhater** : its time for me to be sensitive and cute

 

 **wonwoohoo:** doesnt anyone care about my beauty sleep

 

 **princeofchina:** uhm no

 

 **wonwoohoo:** smh im quitting

 

 **wonwoohoo:** who wants to throw this sexy body into the sun

 

 **satan:** no one

 

 **wonwoohoo:** :(

 

 **godgyu:** ICB

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : im a bathroom mirror

 

 **thughao:** tf

 

 **wonwoohoo:** uhm excuse me im having a moment here

 

 **dinosaur:** relevance? where art thou?

 

 **seokmin:** why

 

 **appa cheol:** so ure awake

 

 **seokmin:** brb gotta fake my sleep

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : bcos im as honest as one

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : 10/10 the paragon of honesty

 

 **queenboo:** never in my life have i heard such a pretentious lie

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : its true !

 

 **queenboo** : rlly

 

 **queenboo** : then answer this honestly

 

 **queenboo** : do u see a future with me

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : like two years from now

 

 **queenboo** : ???

 

 **queenboo** : specific but okay

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : if thats the case then i dont

 

 **queenboo** :

 

 **appa cheol:** W H A T

 

 **satanhater:** smh

 

 **naegahosh:** ?

 

 **princeofchina:** ??

 

 **dinosaur:** ???

 

 **satan:** ????

 

 **thughao:** ?!

 

 **godgyu:** its supposed to be ?????

 

 **thughao:** dont tell me how to live my life

 

 **jisoo:** hansol what the hell man

 

 **queenboo** : why

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : its simple

 

 **queenboo** : u dont love me anymore ?

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : i dont have 20/20 vision

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : *finger guns

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : wAIT

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : tf babe THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT WAIT

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : babe

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : babe

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : baby

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : my seungkwan

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : seungkwannie

 

 **satan:** as much as i would love you to two to be okay

 

 **satan:** theres this thing called personal messaging

 

 **queenboo:** im going to sleep

 

 **queenboo** : dont disturb me

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : B A B E

 

**[queenboo left the group]**

 

 **jisoo:** ah shit

 

 **naegahosh:** ure a dead man hansol

 

 **vampire sunbaenim** : @appa cheol help

 

 **appa cheol:** ....

 

**vampire sunbaenim:**

****

 


End file.
